The post to end all posts.

It appears that the day has come for me to post. Bear with me as I dazzle readers with my anecdotes and stories. Without further ado, the tale of the all-knowing Jason. 

Jason was an old man, crying out for help in his old, decrepit hut one day when the titanic Bill came along, like an angel out of the blackened sky. Jason's shark-like skills allowed him to survive his near-death experiences, aided by Bill's expertise in Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation.

Bill sat Jason up in his seat and handed him boiling green tea as he questioned the old man. Jason recited tales of his childhood, being raised by a pack of wolves. From there, Jason went on to live among the trees and the birds, listening closely to their calls and memorizing the songs, only to hum them at later times.

Bill was nearly falling off of his chair in awe of this unknown man's tales, when he heard a crashing sound at the door. In crawled a newborn infant, clothed only in the purest of white linens. As this infant crossed the threshold, Sean came running in after it, beady-eyed and panting. 

"Don't go near the baby!" shouted Sean. 

"What is wrong with this baby? It's... It's growing rapidly into... into a giant!" clammered Bill.

Before their eyes, the infant grew into a beastly being, eight feet tall and a couple wide. It grew armor plates, seemingly out of its own skin, and became a fully reptilian being. 

Disgusted by the site, Jason once again began to clamor. He had seen it, somewhere. 

Just then, the beast roared. It charged at Bill, who stood facing towards it, in front of Jason's chair.

In the nick of time, Bill grabbed up a steel javelin that was conveniently located next to him. He parried the attack and sent the beast flying back. With this, the beast and Bill were sent into hours and hours of conflict, jumping on tables and crashing through plates. Yet conflict only strengthened the beast, and Bill was tiring of the brawl.

As Sean and Jason sat, open-eyed and in awe, the beast suddenly halted the fighting. He turned to Jason, and began to mutter guttural noises from the depths of his throat. "Eek!"

Jason listened, unable to comprehend what the monster was attempting to communicate. Trying as he might, there was nothing linguistic about the monster's voice.

Yet, after minutes of trying to understand what the beast was saying, Jason finally understood.

This monster was not saying anything at all. This monster was afraid.

Sean was aghast at his own behavior. He had chased this poor baby, turning it into a devilish creature. Bill also was saddened, he had fought this monster and fed its anger.

And, miraculously, the monster began to shrink as the humans began to understand.

They stopped chasing it, they no longer fought against it, and it grew back into regular form.

And then, the baby crawled back over the threshold, and into the forest.

-Sean needs to write a sequel. And yes, try to get some meaning from all of this. Sorry Bill and Jason.