Life was peaceful
Early in the morning
I would accompany the birds warbling
Celebrating the sunrise
With their harmonious melodies
Late into the night
I would listen to the wolves
Dolefully howling
At the luminescent moon
In autumn, greedy squirrels
Would superfluously raid
My drooping limbs of the ripening nuts
For their winter storerooms
In spring, I would rejoice
As birds built nests in my boughs
And I would cheer
When they took flight
I would shake my branches with laughter
As ants and beetles
Crawled up my bark
Tickling my belly and feet
Life was peaceful
But one day
A strange creature appeared
And it was peaceful no more
It looked ominous.
Walking on two feet,
It was followed
By gigantic metal monsters
Day and night
I was forced to listen
To the incessant whirring
Of theses hideous beasts
I could no longer hear
The warbling of the birds
Or the howling of the wolves
Only the whirring that supplanted them
The warbling of the birds
Or the howling of the wolves
Only the whirring that supplanted them
Soon, one of these creatures paused by me
It walked on two feet
And carried a strange item,
A strange rock broached by a strangely smooth stick
The creature inspected me
And stared up into my branches
It then raised its foreign object high
And swung --
“Timber”
Posts
12 comments:
I enjoyed reading your poem. I liked the personification that is used throughout the poem and that the writer's perspective was a tree, which gave it an interesting twist. There's this poetry contest that my teacher told me about and I did last year. If you win, which lots of people do, you get published in a book with everyone else's poems. It's a really cool thing and if you, or anyone else, wants to know more about it, I could give you the details at school, just let me know. I also liked how you said that you don't give your poems a title and your reason for it. That was an interesting point. Nice job.
Bill, this is quite the poetry.
I could never write something this well.
Did you hit up some thesaurus.com?
Whoahh...this is deep!! I really liked how you never actually revealed the identity of the speaker in the poem and that the reader had to infer. I think that this keeps the reader active in the poem, which makes it all more worth while to read. Some of the words were really lengthy and didn't exactly fit into the poem...but that's just me. As you probably know my vocab isn't the best! And what Chelsea was saying, is this the poem that you entered in the contest and won? A paper of mine is also going to be in that book. I saw Mrs. Hodgins at Sunset randomly one time and she told me that book should be mailed to us in a couple of weeks just in case you were wondering about that. Yeah...so great job! I can't really write poetry, so this is really impressive!
Bill, this is really, really good! I never knew.
The only thing I would change would be the line:
"A strange rock broached by a strangely smooth stick"
It sounds a little redundant. Since you didn't use any repetition anywhere else in your poem; I'll presume you weren't going for that. But I really liked this!
This is AMAZING! I like to say I can write a good song, but this surpasses everything I have read or written. You choose the perfect words and I like that they don't actually rhyme. It gives it a new tone and not the stereotypical tone of everything is in a cheesy rhyme. Good job!
I have to agree with the rest, your poem is exceptional. I think this was either inspired by SS or Ishmael :). It transitions well from Natural environment, to the Human environment. I like the detail and the way that nature is described. The reader can really tell that the author meticulously chose the vocabulary and word choice. Excellent Job Bill. As for asking you to change things in your poem, I don't think that would be appropriate for a poem where there are YOUR insights, YOUR feelings, YOUR thoughts. I can't really help you there because I am not you. Overall, Excellent! :)
BILL!! This is beyond amazing. I really enjoyed reading it. I agree with Chelsea, I loved how you were the tree, and everything was from that perspective. I felt that it all flowed really well, and it wasn't confusing. Sometimes when I read a poem I find myself rereading line after line because I don't understand what they are saying. However, your poem was exceptionally "flowy". I also really like the ending. The last word 'timber' had a strong impact, and I think it tied everythin together very nicely. Great Job!!
Bill this is pretty amazing :D
I didn't know that you like to write poetry. I like how the poem went from a peaceful mood to a dark ending.
Wow Bill, I had no idea you liked poetry. This is amazing, I feel like I am reading out of a book. There is so much thought put into this and it seems so natural. Did this take a long time or is it just that you love doing it so it flows? Seriously, consider getting published!
I'm going to steer away from the overused adjective of "amazing" to say that your poem was marvelous. I liked the personification you used, and the fact that you took the role of the tree made it much more personable (if being a tree can be personable). :) I especially liked the descriptions of the seasons. The language is awesome, but some of the words are a mouthful. Nice job!
WOW BILL! i also write poetry... a lot! i have a little notebook by my bedside dresser that i write ideas in and doodle and such, and out of the maddening incoherence i have come across some actual poetry. but i LOVE your style. it strays away from the obvious path and brings life into the solitarily meaningless words! excellent job!
I respect your poetic ability Bill. I tried to write poems for fun but it didn't work out. I believe I am too creative of a person. I was writing a poem about birds, then the next thing I knew, I was on photoshop scrapping together pictures of birds to create a crazy looking monster with 47 legs sticking out of its left wing. I guess I just see too many connections to focus on one creative thing at a time. I think my post makes sense!
Post a Comment